Too Pretty For Me - Spideypool
by ThanksIllPass
Summary: a human AU where Peter works at a fabric store and Wade is a pretty (not)customer trying to ask him out


"Why are you always here?" Peter asked. "You never buy anything."

"Would buying something help convincing you to go out with me?"

Peter gave Wade an unimpressed look, eyebrows raised in a universal sign for "you've got to be kidding me." Wade's lips twisted in a pout and Peter patted his shoulder sympathetically. Wade opened his mouth to whine, probably, but when a customer walked over and gave him an appreciative once-over, he smiled flirtatiously. Peter rolled his eyes. Typical.

Wade was… obnoxious. Loud, childish, arrogant, impulsive, _never_ shut up, kind of in love with himself. Sure, he was a looker, but that really didn't give him the right to act like Adonis himself. Peter hated this kind of people. And yet, he couldn't shake off the feeling that it wasn't the real Wade. He couldn't bring himself to reject Wade once and for all for some unfathomable reason, and it _angered_ him. As soon as the customer was gone, Wade was back in Peter's face, slipping a piece of paper into his hand.

"Could you throw it out for me, baby boy?"

Peter looked at his palm; it was a phone number. Peter snorted and looked at Wade questioningly. "You don't want to call her?" he asked. "She seemed interested."

"I don't need _her_ to be interested," Wade said with a wink, bringing his face even closer to Peter's. Peter shoved him away and turned around to throw out the number. "I don't get why you keep resisting."

"Because you're an asshole," Peter deadpanned and smiled sweetly. That wasn't exactly true. Well, it _was_, Wade _was_ an asshole, but it wasn't why Peter didn't want to give him a chance. He didn't have anything against assholes – he was kind of an asshole himself – he'd just had it with _narcissistic_ assholes. And Wade was a prime example. He was also currently rubbing his face all over Peter's counter and whining like a wounded dog. Peter pushed him off and crossed his arms. God, that man was irritating. "Truth is, you're too pretty for me, Wade. Go home."

Wade looked at him like he'd just grown a second head and gaped. Luckily, Peter was saved by a phone call; Wade was too impatient to wait with whatever he had to say for Peter to finish talking. When Peter lifted his eyes off the catalog, Wade was gone.

He was back the next day, as usual, clearly having gotten over the previous day's rejection. Wade sure was relentless, if anything. He even brought lunch.

"Are you _sure_ we haven't met before?" Peter mused while chewing on his burger. "I feel like I know you from somewhere."

"That's because it's an AU, where we're just regular people because nothing freaky has happened to us," Wade explained, which… didn't explain anything. "The other me looks like his face was put through a mincer and then randomly put back together, and the other you won't date him either. I'm either too ugly or too pretty for you. Do you see the irony here?"

"I don't see _sense_ in here, if it helps? My lunch break is over."

Wade obviously didn't leave. He offered Peter his help with displaying the fabrics, by which he meant wearing them like dresses and parading all over the store. It didn't even have any effect on Peter anymore. He just accepted it. Just like you accepted that spiders got into your mouth when you slept and dogs licked you after they'd eaten their own poop.

"How come you have such a gay job?" Wade asked when Peter counted stock.

"Because I'm gay," Peter replied absentmindedly, not stopping his work.

"Seriously?"

"Mhm. I live to perpetuate stereotypes. It's very fulfilling."

"Oh yeah?" Wade grinned. "So I guess you're a total bottom, with that tight-"

Peter closed the book with a loud snap and turned around to look at Wade, fake smile blooming on his face. Wade's grin only grew wider. Peter wasn't sure if he wanted to wipe that smirk off his lips with his fist or the floor. He was used to this kind of talk, he usually even enjoyed it, in right circumstances of course. But when he thought that what gave Wade all this confidence, what made him this daring, was his _looks_, he couldn't help but get annoyed. He couldn't stand people who thought they could get away with anything because they were hot.

"Too bad you'll never know," he said, patting Wade's cheek. Wade grabbed his hand and pulled him closer. "Let go."

"Come on, Petey, go out with me."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to. Now let go and go home before I call for security."

Wade's eyes widened in shock and he looked at his own hand, grasping Peter's with much more force than he must have realized. He wasn't exactly hurting Peter physically, but he looked like he thought he was. "I'm sorry," he mumbled and left the store in a hurry.

He was back the next day, looking like hell, and with a ridiculously huge bouquet of roses. The few customers that were around stopped whatever they were doing to see what Peter would do.

"Wade, how sweet of you, you came all this way to embarrass me in my workplace," Peter cooed. "However can I repay you?"

"You could start with accepting my apology?" Wade muttered, the tips of his ears coloring.

"Haven't heard any yet. And I _really_ don't want to do this here." Wade visibly deflated, and it made Peter's stomach twist. He sighed and took the flowers. "Come on, let's go out on the back."

Wade's face lit up and he followed Peter like an overgrown puppy. He could hear a few people whisper and squeal and he rolled his eyes. Now the gossip would never end. Thanks, Wade.

"I'm listening," he said once they were outside.

Wade dropped his eyes to the ground. "I'm sorry I hurt you yesterday."

"You didn't."

"So I'm sorry I was so pushy lately."

"It's okay."

"Then I'm sorry I'm always such an asshole."

"I don't mind."

"I'm s- I'm sorry, I'm confused."

Peter chuckled. Wade looked ridiculously adorable rubbing his cheek in confusion. Peter couldn't say he blamed him. But he figured messing with Wade for a while was better punishment then refusing to speak to him. And maybe, _just maybe_, Peter would miss him just a little bit, even if he _was_ a narcissistic asshole, who couldn't take no for an answer. Because _The Feeling_ wouldn't leave him alone. Especially after he saw the look on Wade's face when he thought he'd hurt Peter. Self-infatuated douchebags usually didn't look like that, no matter what hideous act of douchebaggery they'd committed.

"What am I apologizing for?" Wade asked, scratching his head, sounding a bit helpless.

"I don't know, you're the one apologizing."

"I thought- I thought you hated me now."

"I don't."

"Then-" Wade bit his lips. "Then why won't you-"

"I already told you, you're too pretty for me. I gotta go back to work. Bye, Wade. Thank you for the flowers."

Next day, Wade stormed into the store, almost tripping over a roll of silk laying around on the floor, and slammed his hands on Peter's counter. Peter looked around to see if anyone was near and then at Wade.

"You are a _tease_," Wade accused.

"Am I?" Peter asked calmly, folding his hands and resting his chin on them.

But Wade hung his head in defeat and sighed. "No, you aren't. You're just an asshole."

Peter halted for a bit, but quickly regained his composure and smiled. "Ah, flattery will get you everywhere."

"_Nothing_ gets me _anywhere_ with you!" Wade suddenly blew up, his voice cracking. "That's the point! I _know_ you aren't leading me on. I _know_ you simply don't want to date me. I don't think you could be any more disinterested in dating a person. I know this is hopeless. I know I should just give up."

"You should."

"I don't want to."

"I don't want you to either." They looked at each other, and for a brief moment, Peter had a vision of Wade jumping over the counter and kissing the living shit out of him. He shook off the thought and cleared this throat. "I mean-"

"I know what you mean. What you mean, is also why I keep coming back. _You like me_. You genuinely like me. You're always honest with me when you're not using sarcasm, and you never blow me off unless I cross the line, and you _put up_ with me. Every. Single. Day. Even though I come on to you every time, when you clearly said you don't want it. Because you actually _like_ me. Which shouldn't be a big deal for me, but it's _huge_! People usually can't stand me! They want me one second and they're gone the next. _People don't like me_. They like my- And you're, like, the only person who hangs out with _me_, not my-"

"Face?" Peter offered, dazed.

"Yeah…"

Peter felt like a complete idiot. He felt like the biggest asshole. All this time, he'd been rejecting Wade for the worst reason possible - for no reason at all. Wade was looking at him expectantly, and he had no idea _what_ he was expecting. Peter was confused and he couldn't think straight, because everything was guilt and Wade and regret. He needed time that he didn't have now, and he could feel panic starting to build up in the pit of his stomach.

"Peter?" Wade prompted hesitantly. He seemed so vulnerable and Peter wanted to cry. He was _such_ an asshole. Such an _idiot_!

"Pick me up at eight."


End file.
